Friday, August 16, 2013

Too much to say....

Sorry I've been a bit quiet lately. I have thought of numerous things to blog. But I always get hesitant. Most people don't want to know what is really bothering me. Trust me, they don't. So I've come to just not talking about it. The way I did as a kid and teenager and just let it bottle up inside me. A part of you wants to pop when it bothers you, the other is too hurt and cynical to care. So I don't say anything at all.
I will keep it all in general and short.
I don't understand God. He clearly told me a million times this dream was going to happen. Still nothing. 1/2 my life later, nothing. Feels further than ever. Because people have free will. People constantly throughout life NEVER fulfill their destiny and place on God's will. What an asshole it is....a backhanded compliment.
So what do you do when you know where you belong in an area of your life, but have to wait for someone to say "let's go!"?????? Who knows. I don't. I will not wait another 16 years, I assure you of that. I wish dreams didn't need other people..ugh.

And then I've been trying to lose weight. Did really good on exercising and then my overtime went back up. So I'm slacking again. And my appetite has been literally ravenous. I am NEVER full. Ever! My body issues wage on..... pfft.

So that's most of that. Sorry I'm emotional today. Ill try to be less cynical next post.

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