Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Faith and Dreams.... keep waiting.


Sorry its been a few days since I've sat down and wrote something. And this one is gonna be a bit serious.

Watch this video.....now or wait until you read it. its fine, either way. (warning, the announcer has a very boring voice, but its a good video)

Now to those of you that know me (via twitter/facebook/real life) you should know that my favorite preacher is Creflo Dollar. Now this past Sunday I was watching him live via his website, and he was talking about how easily things comes up and steal our faith in God. Little things that agitate us are just small ways of creeping out of faith and into fear. Now fear is of the devil. No matter how big or small it is. We shouldn't fear anything... at all. Like nothing. And even the smallest fear is saying to God that we don't trust him. He went on and on about how faith can be weak and fail but trust in God never would. Trust is eternal. And we should trust God no matter what the situation is.
Well i walked away from that message determined to have stronger faith so one day I can trust God. Because honestly, I don't. There are a lot of times I'm like all Christians and go "oh God, this didn't work out.... why not?? I thought it would! I prayed, I believed. and you didn't deliver..." and your trust is shaken.
We treat him like a person.. the way people hurt us and do bad things to us. But he's not.. and its easy to forget that. I do all the time.
Last year, the entire year my faith was like sand. Crumbling down with the tiniest things. Everything got under my skin. Everything bothered me... I was in a bad state.
I vowed in December that I would leave that person behind. I would come out stronger and be better.
But certain areas of my life can easily be shaken. One of them is the love I have for a particular man. I know and believe that we will be together one day, but it looks so bleak right now.
Sooo back to the video!

I was watching that particular video, feeling a tiny bit sad inside because of that man and how I miss him and wish we were together already. But trying not to think about it, but it creeps up anyhow. And the way he was talking about how the scientist seen nothing. It was just blackness. there couldn't be anything there... it just hit home for me.
Because I cannot even express how many times I've thought or someone told me that I'd never be with him. It's ridiculous that he would even like me. (that always is quite a blow to the self esteem there.. thanks "friends"....) But yet my heart keeps hoping and believing we will be together even though I seen NO sign of life in that relationship.

But with the right amount of exposure, they seen many things. GREAT things. amazing things! miraculous things. That's how I see faith. We look at something and its black. We're like "oh there's nothing there. never will be... no hope for it" (whatever your dream is...) But maybe we're looking at it all wrong.
I'm not saying dwell on it longer... I'm saying look at it in a new way.
Because WHAT IF that dream you're waiting for and hoping for that never seems to come, is right around the corner? What if its days away and you give up on it... only later to find out it could've been yours? WHAT IF?
What if you prayed about it and said "God, this is my dream. I'd like for you to find a way for it come to pass. Thank you. I believe you will... amen." and that was all you said. the end. And you waited for it to come. You tried to make it come. You reminded God of the dream and said again "thanks for making it come to pass in your time".....
and it comes?
I'm just sitting here saying that today my heart was sad. I was missing that boy like you wouldn't believe. My dream is to be with him, be his wife. The mother of his children. And the world says I can't have it. Its black. No hope.
But what if God is behind the scenes right now, paving a way to make it happen? What if there's just one tiny thing left to happen before it DOES come true?

That's a what if that I can't ignore. And I hope you don't either. I don't know what your dremas are. I'm just saying to hold on to them. Tight. believe they are coming true. Because they will if you don't let them go.
Its not black. there are thousands of stars that you just can't see yet. But when you do, you'll be so glad you waited it out. I'm expecting for galaxies and stars. My wildest dreams.
I hope you do too..