Wednesday, August 28, 2013

Feeling human?

I don't know about you, but most days I wonder if I am even human. I don't like many things people my age (31) do.... I never have. I barely drink. The idea of doing irresponsible things, frustrates me. I am still a virgin and almost never tempted to lose it. I love being alone and barely need human contact. However, I do like talking to people on twitter...which makes no sense to me. I 98% of the time hope I never get married and can just travel the world, and find a career. I don't usually want the things I'm "supposed" to want: sex, partnership, family, and kids. My brain usually goes "ewwww!" To those.
However, there is one man that has always been in my heart. And when I look at him, I suddenly don't think marriage is a bad idea. My ovaries start longing for babies. I think I could settle down and be human...just normal like everyone else.
But that's not possible now, and maybe not ever. So what do I do? Because without him, I'm fine by myself. Happy even! But with him, if possible, I know it would be beyond wonderful.
Sigh. I wish I were a robot void of human emotions! Haha!
I mostly just want to know where the road is and how to get on it. I don't want to make stupid decisions and be miserable 10 yrs from now. Alone, I'm fine with. Him, I'm fine with. Just give it to me straight, life. One way or the other.

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