Tuesday, December 28, 2010


For about a year or two now, i've felt like i've been drifting slowly apart from my best friend. And its not that it bothers me (it did a bit at first) because i know that people will drift apart. Its just that we're not the friends that can sit down and talk about it. Neither one of us are really talkers about emotions and such. And I'm quite a loner anyway.... but its the fact that i live with her. And it just feels off. I'm sure a lot of that is because she's just in a different life spot than I am. She just got married and is very happy. Me, i'm still single (hating it usually.. but not always). She is ready to build a life and get ready to have babies.
Me, I don't want that.. .well I WANT that, i can't have it apparently (but that's a completely different blog). And I moved up here to get opportunities and I didn't want to stay with her very long... but life has thrown me like nothing but shit this year, and I can't leave yet.
I want to.. ohhh i want to. I've been longing to live alone forever. I like it. But its just not possible for me now. I can't afford to live in this house with 2 other people. Ugh. I just don't know why no matter how hard i try to fix things, they just get worse. I pray about it, I ask God for his advice. But he's not talking .and it TRULY pisses me off. Don't say "oh ask and it will be given" and then just play the silent card.
oohhh makes me so furious.
Not even getting into it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm just sick of this life going nowhere all the time... and getting there faster and faster and faster.

Wow i Don't blog much...


I'm gonna start blogging more soon, as its gonna be the new year and I have a huge bucket of resolutions that I will get done. So i'm gonna keep you updated.
Be excited. You'll love it. Maybe it will motivate you.

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

oh the new year

I haven't written on here much, i keep forgetting i have one. haha
But Its a new year 2010... i've been waiting for this year for a long time. I just feel like this year has more potential than any year so far...
A few of my resolutions this year:
1. lose weight. but gosh isn't that everyone's? haha
2. take some photography classes and get started on that.
3. get prepared to take some music production classes.
4. learn more guitar and play it more!
5. get to playing my keyboard more. :)
6. let go of my worries/doubts/fears about myself. I have SO many
7. forgive myself easier. i forgive everyone, but not me....

Ok well i'm sitting here watching Heroes, and i'm all distracted... so i better quit. :)