Only God can judge me... right?

I can be very judgemental about music, especially. I have loved music my entire life. I don't remember a lot of my childhood, but I remember sitting in my parent's room listening to the radio and learning new artists and songs. I loved it. I'd rather listen to music than almost anything else. And when you add music to the other things you do, it just makes them better.
In 97, my life changed. I became a fan of the band Hanson. (yes, that hanson....) Something about their music spoke to my heart and soul and I've never been the same person since. I started talking to people. I was before a extremely shy person. But Hanson gave me something to be excited about, and I wanted to share it. And pretty much since the day I became a fan of them, I have been nothing but teased and ridiculed for it. I would say probably literally every single day for about 13 years. I wish I was exaggerating, but I'm not.
And the first few years, it really bothered me. I didn't understand why people were so mean about it. Its just music! Great music, even! What should it matter if I love them? Even though they continued to play music. Struggled with labels, went independent. They were real artists, and no one would ever give them a chance because of 97. No matter how "real" in music they became, I felt like the only person that heard it. No one else would give them a shot.
As time went on and I became an adult, I'd like to say it got better. That would be a huge lie. Adults are worse than teenagers in the judging department. Oh sure, they didn't take hanson's picture and draw on it stupid stuff, but they did other things. Especially, because as time went on, it went more than just Hanson being my favorite band. I began to have real feelings for one of the members. And people constantly rudely reminded me that he'd never know I was alive.
Well they were wrong about that, I"ve met him numerous times and he definitely knows who I am.

But that's another blog..... this one is about music. I have seen about 50 ++ bands live in concert. I love concerts. All kinds of music, it doesn't even matter!! I just love music, especially live.
There's something about the atmosphere. Everyone there is just there to let go of their troubles, enjoy the lights, the music, all of it. Oh i've had some painful concert experiences that about ruined my show.. but mostly it didn't.
I love almost every genre of music, country, pop, rock, soul, blues, classical, oldies, a tiny bit off jazz, hard rock. I'm not picky, but then again I am.
I am HORRIBLE about judging an artist and going "oh they aren't a real artist..." Because they weren't independent or maybe because they were really famous. Or they were particularly poppy and it was too much sugar for my ears. I've done it, for years. Probably because the world won't let me have my opinion about music, so I guess I learned it was ok to do. Its not.
I've judged probably everyone in music. It didn't matter to me. If I didn't like it, ohhhh they were crap. And anyone that disagreed me was probably someone that had no taste in music as well.

However, about a month or so ago, I had a dream about Justin Bieber, whom I utterly despised even though I had never even heard one song. I was sick of hearing about him on the streets, in the news, ugh! He was everywhere. I was sure he was just another disney product and would turn out being a mans slutting it up like all the other disney stars, turn out to eventually be on drugs and God knows what else. And in this dream, I was his friend. He was telling me about little troubles with the fame he had and we were close. I woke up and was like "OMG EWW!! JUSTIN BIEBER!!! GROSSSS!!!!" But yet, i couldn't shake him out of my head all day.
And slowly, I felt very convicted by God about him. I had sit there and judged this boy for what? I knew NOTHING about him. Nothing! I never heard one song! Let alone HALF of a song. So why was I so quick to judge him? To hate him even??
Grumbling, a few days later, I went and looked up a song. I chose "never say never" and actually kinda liked it. But I was like "OMG I CANNOT LIKE JUSTIN BIEBER! AAHH!! NOOOO!!!!"
I fought it for daaayysss. Finally that song would get stuck in my head and i wanted to hear it again. So i went to itunes and bought it. A few days later, I loved it. Couldn't get enough of it. What has happening to me?!? I couldn't love a Justin Bieber song! NO! That was wrong! He was the enemy right???

Well lets fast forward a bit, I eventually bought one of his albums. I was still struggling with the "shame" of loving his music, but it grew on me more and more. And i eventually bought his other album. I went to see his movie. And that's where it changed. I seen, he was a normal kid. He had played music since he was 2 years old. He can play the drums, QUITE amazingly. He writes, he sings, he plays guitar and piano. The kid was a real talent. He was found on youtube. He struggled with music companies not wanting to play his stuff. He played hundreds of gigs for a few people to a few hundred. He and Hanson were not so different. All young kids with drive and passion for music. Just trying to make it.
And Justin did make it. And he made it big. And sometimes I feel so worried for him. The level of fame he's at... its so big. He cant' go anywhere without a mob of screaming girls. He's only 17 years old. I can't imagine the pressure. I really can't. Most people would crack from it. I don't think he will, he seems to have a good group of grounded people around him. But you never know.

The reason I wrote this blog, is not to tell you about Hanson or Justin Bieber.. No. Its not about any other artist in particular. Its about us. How quick we are to judge someone. Whether its the person that plays the music or the person that LISTENS to the music. We are all different. It shouldn't matter what kinds of music we listen to! Its up to us!
If you want to listen to pop, listen to it! Rock, go for it!!!! Country, ya'll do it!
I love them all. And I shouldn't get flack for not being a real music love, because I certain pop artists.
I love MUSIC. all of it (well... most of it. haha) and i'm trying to change the way I see people. I have no right to judge someone. And I have. And i'm sorry to those people. And I hope you change the way you see it too. If someone loves music, let them.
If someone plays music, let them! Everyone has dreams and passions and things they love.
How DARE we think that we are so much better or smarter that we can say their passions/loves are worthless!!!!!!!!!

Please give it some thought. We've ALL done it. All of us. Its time to stop. Because the judging you to do others, will come back on you. People crash your dreams? People think your talent is worthless?? Maybe this is why. Let it go and be free. Its not worth it.

Faith and Dreams.... keep waiting.

Hey!

Sorry its been a few days since I've sat down and wrote something. And this one is gonna be a bit serious.
http://www.flixxy.com/hubble-ultra-deep-field-3d.htm

Watch this video.....now or wait until you read it. its fine, either way. (warning, the announcer has a very boring voice, but its a good video)

Now to those of you that know me (via twitter/facebook/real life) you should know that my favorite preacher is Creflo Dollar. Now this past Sunday I was watching him live via his website, and he was talking about how easily things comes up and steal our faith in God. Little things that agitate us are just small ways of creeping out of faith and into fear. Now fear is of the devil. No matter how big or small it is. We shouldn't fear anything... at all. Like nothing. And even the smallest fear is saying to God that we don't trust him. He went on and on about how faith can be weak and fail but trust in God never would. Trust is eternal. And we should trust God no matter what the situation is.
Well i walked away from that message determined to have stronger faith so one day I can trust God. Because honestly, I don't. There are a lot of times I'm like all Christians and go "oh God, this didn't work out.... why not?? I thought it would! I prayed, I believed. and you didn't deliver..." and your trust is shaken.
We treat him like a person.. the way people hurt us and do bad things to us. But he's not.. and its easy to forget that. I do all the time.
Last year, the entire year my faith was like sand. Crumbling down with the tiniest things. Everything got under my skin. Everything bothered me... I was in a bad state.
I vowed in December that I would leave that person behind. I would come out stronger and be better.
But certain areas of my life can easily be shaken. One of them is the love I have for a particular man. I know and believe that we will be together one day, but it looks so bleak right now.
Sooo back to the video!

I was watching that particular video, feeling a tiny bit sad inside because of that man and how I miss him and wish we were together already. But trying not to think about it, but it creeps up anyhow. And the way he was talking about how the scientist seen nothing. It was just blackness. there couldn't be anything there... it just hit home for me.
Because I cannot even express how many times I've thought or someone told me that I'd never be with him. It's ridiculous that he would even like me. (that always is quite a blow to the self esteem there.. thanks "friends"....) But yet my heart keeps hoping and believing we will be together even though I seen NO sign of life in that relationship.

But with the right amount of exposure, they seen many things. GREAT things. amazing things! miraculous things. That's how I see faith. We look at something and its black. We're like "oh there's nothing there. never will be... no hope for it" (whatever your dream is...) But maybe we're looking at it all wrong.
I'm not saying dwell on it longer... I'm saying look at it in a new way.
Because WHAT IF that dream you're waiting for and hoping for that never seems to come, is right around the corner? What if its days away and you give up on it... only later to find out it could've been yours? WHAT IF?
What if you prayed about it and said "God, this is my dream. I'd like for you to find a way for it come to pass. Thank you. I believe you will... amen." and that was all you said. the end. And you waited for it to come. You tried to make it come. You reminded God of the dream and said again "thanks for making it come to pass in your time".....
and it comes?
I'm just sitting here saying that today my heart was sad. I was missing that boy like you wouldn't believe. My dream is to be with him, be his wife. The mother of his children. And the world says I can't have it. Its black. No hope.
But what if God is behind the scenes right now, paving a way to make it happen? What if there's just one tiny thing left to happen before it DOES come true?

That's a what if that I can't ignore. And I hope you don't either. I don't know what your dremas are. I'm just saying to hold on to them. Tight. believe they are coming true. Because they will if you don't let them go.
Its not black. there are thousands of stars that you just can't see yet. But when you do, you'll be so glad you waited it out. I'm expecting for galaxies and stars. My wildest dreams.
I hope you do too..


Thanks.

Awesome news!!!!!!

Hey guys!

Sorry its been a few days since I've blogged, haven't had a lot to say. But today I do!
I had to tell you some great news!
I entered a lyric contest a few months ago... It was a paying contest and I've never done that before. So I was very very nervous about it because money is so tight. Well today I got the results and I am a Runner up!!!!!!


I was so happy to hear that!!!!!

I'll put the song that won that. I don't know if i get a prize or not. I'm just happy to get that!




Me and Lonely




Welcome to another day
Where everything is the same way
The sun still rises and falls
I'm still trapped in by the same walls
They say open your heart and let love in
Then your life can start over again
And maybe they're right
But my heart has no more fight
For anyone but you
No, not anyone but you


i'm sitting on the edge of the world
Wishing I wasn't this sad little girl
I'm not alone, but i'm the one and only
Who can't get away. Its just me and lonely
Its me and lonely every day
Not matter how far i run, i can't get away
can't get away from me and lonely
in the dark or light, me and lonely


On the day that I fell out of your heart
Was the day that mine broke apart
I've never been the same
Because I wanted to share your last name
Wish I knew how to run away from this pain
Drown myself inside this pouring rain
My love for you was forever
But you went and said never
And I should move on, but I can't
No, I can't


i'm sitting on the edge of the world
Wishing I wasn't this sad little girl
I'm not alone, but i'm the one and only
Who can't get away. Its just me and lonely
Its me and lonely every day
Not matter how far i run, i can't get away
can't get away from me and lonely
in the dark or light, me and lonely


Its me and lonely sitting on the floor
In the darkness I can't ignore
Me and lonely laughing and crying
Me and lonely singing and sighing
I wish I could find a second to be alone
To get away for a moment on my own
Cuz its me and lonely wishing and dying
Me and lonely screaming and lying
Its always me that holds me down
me and lonely running circles in this lonely town


i'm sitting on the edge of the world
Wishing I wasn't this sad little girl
I'm not alone, but i'm the one and only
Who can't get away. Its just me and lonely
Its me and lonely every day
Not matter how far i run, i can't get away
can't get away from me and lonely
in the dark or light, me and lonely

World Hunger

Don't resist that little face. If you can give, give. There are so many that are less fortunate than us!!!!! Don't forget it!


Also on the topic, I bought some stuff for my sponsor child through World Vision. He's 10 years old in the Dominican Republic of Congo, living with AIDS. I'd been meaning to get him some presents but hadn't had the money to. So I did today :) I hope he enjoys them!

my likes

Quick post.... Check this site out

www.dailyburn.com

you can add your food and workouts. Keeps track of it in a really nice log.
Also has an app for the ipod touch/iphone! I have that. very nice and easy to use!

You can add a bar to your google homepage or your safari toolbar.

Its been very helpful to me. I hope you find it the same if you're on a weight loss adventure yourself.

I think I love tortillas.. too much!

It's true! I should become a spokesperson for some great tortilla company! Because what do i eat? Wraps! Tacos! I don't even use bread really! I'm like "that'd taste better in a tortilla!" haha and why?
less carbs? maybe!
less calories? eh its about the same really.

I don't know what it is, but let's overview my meals today.
2 grilled steak soft tacos (fresco) from taco bell!
apples with strawberry dip (wow that stuff was sweet... almost too sweet)
2 eggs scrambled on a tortilla with one piece of sliced cheese
a piece of colby cheese
2 pieces of turkey bacon (grease wiped off), sliced tomato and mustard on a.. TORTILLA!!!
hehe
think i'm gonna eat another bacon wrap soon.. mmm soo good. I love turkey bacon.

Someone should put me in commercials to sell things. I could do that job, well!!!!


WEll my diet is going on well as you can see.. as all of that was like 1165 calories (approximately, but mostly correct) Can't beat that!

But today i went Gym Shopping.... and there were two that on paper were cheap.. one a few blocks from my house and cheaper.. but did i pick that one? ohh no. I need fancy things! ugh.. sometimes my tastes need to have a chat with my BUDGET! I work at McDonald's, self. Well I slapped down twice as much money as i wanted to spend. But that gym is great. Lots of options and I can take any of there classes or just use the equipment.
Good stuff. I'm ready to use it. Going to make a gym bag and keep it in the car :)
The world wants me to fail at this diet and keep me fat and well fed.. .. I won't let that happen!
I am GOING to succeed and get down to my goal weight. Oh yes, I will!!