Feeling human?

I don't know about you, but most days I wonder if I am even human. I don't like many things people my age (31) do.... I never have. I barely drink. The idea of doing irresponsible things, frustrates me. I am still a virgin and almost never tempted to lose it. I love being alone and barely need human contact. However, I do like talking to people on twitter...which makes no sense to me. I 98% of the time hope I never get married and can just travel the world, and find a career. I don't usually want the things I'm "supposed" to want: sex, partnership, family, and kids. My brain usually goes "ewwww!" To those.
However, there is one man that has always been in my heart. And when I look at him, I suddenly don't think marriage is a bad idea. My ovaries start longing for babies. I think I could settle down and be human...just normal like everyone else.
But that's not possible now, and maybe not ever. So what do I do? Because without him, I'm fine by myself. Happy even! But with him, if possible, I know it would be beyond wonderful.
Sigh. I wish I were a robot void of human emotions! Haha!
I mostly just want to know where the road is and how to get on it. I don't want to make stupid decisions and be miserable 10 yrs from now. Alone, I'm fine with. Him, I'm fine with. Just give it to me straight, life. One way or the other.

Did man make aids???

Whoa.. read this article like now!!!!!!!!

I'm readibg a book called "true evil" by Greg Iles about a murderer who kills people with cancer. How? Just read the book!! Got me thinking...... cuz he mentioned a program called VCP or special virus cancer program. So I looked it up...stumbled on this article. Now I wonder...did man make AIDS and distribute it out to wipe out the gay population?? I don't know....but now I wonder.....

Mmmm 1/2 off on gourmet berries

$15 for $30 Worth of Gourmet-Dipped Strawberries from Shari's Berries http://gr.pn/16trjlD

Painting class.

So I have always wanted to learn how to paint. Trouble is....I'm not very artistic. Haha I can't draw, unless it is abstract and makes no sense. But they have this great place in wichita called let's paint wichita
And you can take a class and keep your painting. It costs $35 a class, but I got mine for $17 from groupon! And I have a voucher for a free class as one I planned for was cancelled.
Well it was fun and easier than I expected. She was a good teacher and helped explained how to do things I though would be so hard (the eyes!)
Overall I'm pleased with it. Of course its not perfect as I want it to be, but its cute :)

Kiss me, my dear.

So I have realllyy taken a liking to the lipstick I got in my birchbox this month. Its by model cosmetics called party proof lipstick in Kitty. Its a beautiful soft pink, a good pink nude (I don't like a lot of color on my lips). And it smells AMAZINGG like strawberries...or something!! Mmmm so yummy. And its smooth and stays quite a bit. :) had to share

You too faced.....

:) I had to get your attention, didn't I?? Well if you never read anything, then you don't know of my love for the brand Too Faced. Oh their eyeshadow sets are too lovely. I wear them every day. Their eyeshadow primer lasts over 12 hours usually  (unless you are super sweaty...)! Their plumping lip gloss works. I love them. A lot.
Well and silly me neverrrr even thought to look to see if they had an official site, not just sold through sephora or ulta.  But I looked it up and signed up for an account. Because I am obsessed (if only they were cheaper..poo!) And ended up buying the summer eyeshadow box. Mmmm it looked like summer. (Well technically not this summer..what up, kansas? Rain much?!) Beautiful stuff. And then a bronzer and brush kit. :) they make wonderful bronzers.
But when you sign up for an account to be on the A-list (freeeee) you get a 10% off coupon code to be used on your purchase!  Woot woooott!!
Sooooooo head your pretty butt and face over to Too Faced and sign up!

Mm so beautiful I shall be.....

Too much to say....

Sorry I've been a bit quiet lately. I have thought of numerous things to blog. But I always get hesitant. Most people don't want to know what is really bothering me. Trust me, they don't. So I've come to just not talking about it. The way I did as a kid and teenager and just let it bottle up inside me. A part of you wants to pop when it bothers you, the other is too hurt and cynical to care. So I don't say anything at all.
I will keep it all in general and short.
I don't understand God. He clearly told me a million times this dream was going to happen. Still nothing. 1/2 my life later, nothing. Feels further than ever. Because people have free will. People constantly throughout life NEVER fulfill their destiny and place on God's road....free will. What an asshole it is....a backhanded compliment.
So what do you do when you know where you belong in an area of your life, but have to wait for someone to say "let's go!"?????? Who knows. I don't. I will not wait another 16 years, I assure you of that. I wish dreams didn't need other people..ugh.

And then I've been trying to lose weight. Did really good on exercising and then my overtime went back up. So I'm slacking again. And my appetite has been literally ravenous. I am NEVER full. Ever! My body issues wage on..... pfft.

So that's most of that. Sorry I'm emotional today. Ill try to be less cynical next post.

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Glossy box! My first box

So I got a subscription to Glossy Box beauty sample box. I'm a smidgen bit obsessed with beauty boxes! You know my oily skin woes (which I can quelch now daily to those boxes!) And my random breakouts which are almost completely gone! I still get a few hormonal ones but nothing a little Yes to Tomatoes roller stick can't kick in a few days.

But I'm off topic. My boxes have been good to me, so I decided to try another and see if its better or worse. Glossy box runs $20 a month for 5-6 samples of high end products. I got a good box this time. Love the color of that nail polish! Can't wait to use it!
Tried the face wipes last night.....didn't make me greasy but it did look like I was going to break out this morning! Eeks...leave it for the roomie! Haha
The lip balm from Figs & Rouge I love, in cherry blossom. Thank goodness it has a light scent and tint, and doesn't taste like cherries (not a fan)! Its smooth and shiny. Makes my lips look and feel great! Runs $9! A bit high...but...might be worth it.
So far I'm happy.
Ooh! I almost forgot (running on no sleep...pardon me) the hair masque made my hair so soft....for my fine hair, will it be too soft? We shall see!!
See if it's for you!